I Need You
by feelingbroken
Summary: New Moon. What if Jake wasn't there to save Bella after she jumped? What if Edward found out and he died too? Now, 100 years later, Isabella finds herself in a world she's seen but can't remember.
1. Prologue

**Prologue **

"_Death is Peaceful..._"

The words that I had thought only a year ago swirled around me as I plunged deeper and deeper into the dark water. I never knew that I would be thinking this way again, but I was far too gone to give it thought. Water was crashing all around me, I was thrashed this way and that, twisting and turning The salty, bitter water filled my lungs, and I found it hard to breathe, let alone make sounds to attempt to be saved. As I fell deeper and deeper inside the black, I couldn't bring myself to move, to _try _ to survive. There was no point of trying to live, even if I had been able to talk and someone heard my screams, I wouldn't have wanted the help, I decided.

He was gone, and he was never coming back.

My only reason for living had gone. He just left without any real reason, and my only real friend couldn't be there for me when I needed him.

Maybe it was selfish, but I was glad I did this. My intention was never to drown, but as I was sitting there, the water and waves crashing around me, I felt at peace. The burning in my lungs from lack of oxygen had numbed. My head swirling, I heard his voice one last time before I let unconsciousness wash over me.

"Bella, don't---"

This was the voice that brought me to this place. I would never of jumped of the cliff if I wouldn't have heard his voice in the process. This voice was the reason I'd pushed so many people away. But even in the midst of death, his beautiful, velvety smooth voice, brought comfort to me, but no hope, no feeling of wanting to live.

"Think of Charlie. He needs you."

Those words stabbed at me, temporarily breaking the numbness. Charlie wouldn't be able to go on without me, he needed me. It hurt me to think of what would happen to him, I couldn't bear to think of those things, and for a moment I wanted nothing else but to breathe again, but I was to far in to stop.

Before I could even think of a response, the last wave washed over me. This was it, I would never again see the person who brought me to this point. But I could never _not_ love him. Even though he left me here, I knew that I would love him, even in death. If I was not at this point, if I still had the possibility of life, I would always love him. I would always need him. Always. I was screaming his voice in my head over and over again as unconsciousness slipped away from me and I thought for the last time...

"Edward I love you."


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

**Jacob**

My eyes scanned the beach in search for her, but I couldn't find her. I had been at this for over an hour. I'd already been up and down the beach. I had sentJared out to look for her. My heart beat slow inside my chest, and I was scared. I saw Bella's truck parked by the cliff, but when I got up to it I saw she was not inside.

I looked it and instantly knew something was not right. I ran up the cliff to where her truck was, and I saw something at the edge of the cliff. Something black, it was draped over the rock. I went to look closely and what I saw made me stop in my tracks.

Bella's jacket.

I froze in fear, As I looked over at the cliff I instantly knew what had happened.

She jumped of the cliff.

I _had _promised to take her cliff diving, but she was insane. I decided that I would jump to look for her, but quickly caught myself. If I _was_ to go in the water there would be no way I could find her. For one thing, a storm is coming. Second, I am freaking 100 feet up, hitting the water would feel like slamming into a brick wall.

The split second those thoughts were thought, I took off running down the cliff back to the beach.

Running towards the water I knew I had two choices- one, let her drown. Two, risking both of our lives to try to look for her.

I ran to get a boat to look for her, and and called Sam on the way.

"Sam, Bella's hurt, and I don't know what happened to her. I think she jumped of the cliff."

"What are you talking about?" he said impatiently.

"I think she went cliff diving--- without me. I told her that I would take her soon, and I guess she got bored. Can you get someone over her to help me?"

"Yeah. Hey Jake? I'm heading over to the hospital now. Call if something comes up."

_Thanks. _I thought to myself.

I got to a boat and pushed it in the water. I knew that this was crazy, a storm was coming, but I had to find her. It was bad enough that Harry was in the hospital and the rest of the pack was there allowing Victoria to get anywhere, now Bella was missing.

My mind was was going on and on when it started to rain. Great. I knew I had only a few short minutes to look for her before the rain got worse. I couldn't be out here once it got bad.

But neither could she.

As I was looking, I started thinking about what on Earth could possibly make her jump without me. Did I do something? Our argument from back when I told her about me started to play over and over again in my head, and I wanted anything to forget it.

"_You know what makes me so mad I could just spit? You're such a hypocrite Bella--- there, you just sit there, _terrified_ of me! How is that fair? My hands were shaking with anger_

"Hypocrite? _How does being afraid of a monster make me a hypocrite?"_

"_Ugh! I groaned, squeezing my eyes shut,"would you listen to yourself?"_

"_What?"_

_I walked toward her, "Well I'm so sorry that I can't be the _right_ kind of monster for you, Bella. I guess_

_I'm just not great as a bloodsucker, am I?"_

_She jumped up and glared at me "No, you're not! It's not what you _are, _stupid, It's what you do!"_

_My whole body was shaking "What's that supposed to mean?"_

_She paused for a second, and said softly "Is it really necessary to _kill_ people, Jacob? Isn't there some other way to survive? I mean, if vampires can find a way to survive without murdering people, couldn't you give it a try too?_

_I shot up, her words hurt me. I saw the look on her face, the hurt in her voice. I realized what she was saying- she wasn't mad of me because of who I was, just what I did, or rather, what she _thought_ I did_

_It was too much for me. I promised that I would never hurt her, and I broke that promise._

"_Killing people?" I asked, I still couldn't believe that's what she thought._

"_What did you think we were talking about?"_

_I stopped shaking, _still_ not believing what she thought of me."_I_ thought we were talking about your disgust for werewolves."_

"_No, Jake, no. It's not that you're a...wolf. That's fine. If you could just find a way to not hurt people...that's all that upsets me. These are innocent people, Jake, people like Charlie, and I can't just look the other way while you---_

_I smiled widely "Is that all? Really? You're just scared because I'm a murderer? That's the only reason?"_

"_Isn't that reason enough" she asked_

_I laughed--- loudly_

"_Jake, this is _so_ not funny!"_

"_Sure, sure," I agreed through my laughter. I walked up to her again and wrapped my arms around her in a huge hug. "You really don't mind that I morph into a giant dog?" I asked, looking at her._

"_No-" she gasped "Can't---breathe--- Jake!"_

_I let her go, but took her hands "I'm not a killer, Bella"_

"_Really?" she asked me._

"_Really"_

_She threw her arms around me, I stroked her hair._

"_I'm sorry I called you a hypocrite" I apologized_

"_I'm sorry I called you a murder"_

I had laughed then. But, was she really sorry? Maybe, was there something in the back of her mind telling her not to trust me? I knew it was ridiculous, but was she really lying to me for these past few weeks? Was that why she jumped? Because of me?

I rowed out farther and farther until I saw something caught on a rock.

When I got the rock I froze. It was part of a sleeve, a jagged edge of the rock ripped through the sleeve. I looked over the edge of the boat and what I saw made me fall backward.

It was Bella. She was unconscious.

She must have floated to the top and gotten stuck. I pulled her into the boat and road back to shore, oblivious to the rain.

I was so focused on getting to the shore so I could call Sam, I didn't even get to fully look at her. I didn't even bother tying up the boat, I just put her down and looked at her. I knew she wasn't breathing, but I tried to find a pulse.

Nothing.

I tried to listen for her heartbeat.

Nothing.

_No, _I thought, _this isn't happening. _

But it was.

She was dead.

The words were running through my mind over and over, but in my frantic state of mind, I refused to believe what was true.

"Sam! Get down here fast! I have Bella, she's not breathing, and I need to get her to the hospital _now._"

"Jake, think. You could get her here much faster if you run here down here yourself.

"SAM! I don't know if I should move her"

"Why? Did she hurt her back or something?"

"I don't know just get your ass down here now!" I yelled

"Alright, Jake."

I hung up and threw my phone. I sank to the ground, tears welling in my eyes. Why_ Bella? _I thought,_ Why did you do this? I need you just as much as I know you needed me. That I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you all the time, but I tried. I tried so hard Bella. Why do you think the pack and I are out everyday looking for the bloodsucker. They might be doing it for everyone, but I'm doing this for you, to show you that I truly love you, I want you safe. I love you_

The tears let loose. I loved this girl. I loved her with everything I had. I would do anything for her.

I couldn't loose her.

**

* * *

**

**Sam**

I closed my phone and sighed. Was this day ever going to end?

"Jake found Bella," I told Paul, "he needs me to bring her here. Call me if anything changes with Harry."

"Alright."

I ran to my car and sped to the beach. How was this happening? First the vampires, then Harry, now Bella. Jake must be mess. I know how much that kid loves her. I can see it when he looks at her. How he talks about her. It's the same way I look at and talk about Emily.

When I got to the beach, I saw Jake. He was on the floor, his head in his knees.

Poor kid.

Jake!" I yelled, running to him, "Jake! I have the car!" His head shot up, and when he got up I could see he had been crying. "Bring her to the car!"

I watched as he picked her up gently, seeing the care in his eyes. He placed her in the back seat and climbed in. When I saw Bella, my heart broke. I immediately thought of Emily. I knew how he felt. Even though what I did was totally my fault, and this was his, I knew he was blaming himself. When the accident happened, and I saw what I'd done to Emily, I broke down. I was the worst person In the world.

When I got a close look at Bella, My heart broke even more. She looked peaceful. The kind of peaceful that comes with death.

Bella was dead. There was no other way about it.

Dammit, this was going to kill Jake. He would never forgive himself.

"Jake-" I said, my voice breaking, "I'm sorry, but---"

"Can we just get the hell to the hospital."

"But Jake ther-"

"GO!"

Knowing what he was going through, I did what he asked. I wasn't going to put him through anything right now. These were his last moments with Bella. I wasn't going to ruin them.

When we pulled into the parking lot, I saw Charlie's car. Oh, God. He didn't know anything about Bella. There was no way in hell he was going to be able to deal with his daughters death.

Jake picked her up, gently and tenderly, and took her into the ER.


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**Jacob**

This was a dream.

I ran in the ER with Bella in my arms looking for a doctor, but this whole thing didn't seem real. Sam, being the logical one, had gotten a doctor's help and before I knew what was going on, they had Bella on a stretcher. Sam was explaining to the doctor what happened, a strange look on his face. I knew the look, but was too out of it to place it.

I just stood there, the chaos of the ER going past me. All I could do was stare at Bella. My Bella. The one I'd do anything for.

God, how did I let this happen! I was supposed to be protecting her, and I'd let her go off by her self, and she jumped off a cliff. How could I be so stupid! I told her I'd never hurt her, and there she was. I tried to stop the negative thoughts, but I couldn't get the picture of her out of mind. Bella on top of the cliff, the wind whipping around her. Freezing already, she takes off her jacket and bends her knees readying herself for the jump. She bends even more, runs and jumps 100 feet to the icy was she even on the cliff that high. I already told her it was crazy---that we'd start at the lower end. Why did she jump?

I started to hate her. How could she do this? Put all of us through this? Didn't she know how idiotic it was? Dammit, she could still be alive if she hadn't been such an idiot.

"Jake."

The voice shook me out of my thoughts. I realized that it was a good thing---i didn't need anymore stress by over-thinking.

But then I saw Sam's eyes. This time I really looked. I really saw what going on in his head. He was sad, unsure of something. As soon as he opened his mouth to speak I saw what was really in his eyes.

Bella was dead.

I had thought those words already, but in my panic I had not realized the truth in my thoughts. Looking at Sam's expression, my heart broke.

"Jake--- she didn't make it. The doctor said she gone by the time you found her. I'm sorry Jake." Sam told me, with tears in his eyes. They were dangerously close to falling.

Mine were.

My sweet, precious was Bella--- was dead. I broke down. I couldn't handle this anymore. It was too much to deal with in such a short time.

I had never asked for this life--- to be a werewolf, to love someone that you know could never, and now, _will _never_,_love me the same way.

But I was and I did. I was assigned this life, and I had to live it. I hated it though. I _hated_ it. I couldn't even protect my best friend. For whatever reason why I was chosen this life, I was failing.

I had to tell Charlie, but I didn't want to. How was I supposed to? How could I tell the police chief that his only daughter was dead, practically because of me. Whose knows what would happen. He couldn't handle this. This would ruin him.

I looked up and saw Charlie walk through the doors, concern in his eyes. I knew he heard about Bella, but how much had he heard?

He walked over to me "Jake- what happened?"

I took a deep breath "Bella went cliff diving without me. she caught caught in the storm. She didn't make it."

Charlie's face was a mixture of emotion- confusion, sadness, hurt, loss. "What do you mean she didn't make it?" He demanded- his voice rising an bit.

"She drowned, Charlie. She's dead" I heard Sam say from behind Charlie. "I'm sorry, she was gone by the time Jake found her."

He fell backwards a little, unstable. He sank into a chair and started crying. Something I'd never thought I'd see him do.

"I've already called Renee, she said she would be here late tonight." Sam said. I knew that he didn't want to be the responsible one, the one to get on with life, but he had to.

"Bella---" I heard Charlie whisper, crying to himself.

I felt horrible. I still couldn't stop blaming myself--- I was part of the reason why she'd died.

"Jake, Jared is going to get Charlie home. He can't stay here anymore. There's too much going on for him to handle. I'm going to go by the Clearwater's place, it doesn't look to good for Harry," Sam told me.

"I'm going home. I can't be here anymore."

"Be careful, Victoria's still out there. We'll go search tomorrow."

I left the hospital. I needed to keep my mind off of what had happened, but I wasn't sure of what to do. I remembered how Bella was telling me about this place she found. I was going to find it--- for her. I was going to find it if it killed me, this was the last thing I could do for her.

I threw the door open and found the copy of the map I'd made. I took it and started into the woods--- not knowing what I'd find or what I'd do when I found it.

I hiked all day, not focusing on anything but finding the spot. I had no clue what it would look like, but somehow I knew that I would know when I found it. At around 8 I realized how dark it was, but I was still searching. I didn't think about what could possibly be out there, it didn't matter. I had to do this for Bella.

I suddenly stopped, when I thought about her. How could she not be here? How can she never come back to me. I looked up and realized where I was. I was in a meadow, a perfectly shaped circle, like someone had cleared it out themselves. I realized that this was the place where we found Bella almost attacked by the bloodsucker- _Laurent_- that was his name. I didn't stop to look at this place when we were there the first time. I knew this was what Bella was looking for, I could feel her here. I don't know how she found it, but I knew this was someplace special for her, and I was going to keep it that way.

I knew what I was going to do.

* * *

I was at home, thinking about the memorial. I had a good idea about what I was going to do when I smelled something awful. It was sweet. Too sweet. Way too sweet. A knock sent me to the door. When I got to the door. As I walked up to the door, I noticed the smell got stronger. I opened it and saw why.

Alice Cullen.

Alice Cullen was standing at my door. I hadn't seen any of the Cullens since prom last year when my dad sent me out to talk to Bella, almost a year ago.

I growled, I couldn't forget what he did to her.

"Have you seen Bella?" the little pixie asked me, as if everything was normal. She stared me down. "Where is she?" she demanded, looking more forceful this time.

"Like you would care. You all left, you don't deserve to know."

"Listen, dog, I know she jumped off a cliff, I know something happened to her. Tell me- now!"

"She's dead." I said.

"Wha-? No. No she can't be-" She stuttered.

"Well she is. Now go tell your family and get the hell out of here- you're breaking the treaty."

She looked at me with new eyes, there was something different to her expression. "Jake- how? Please can you tell me what happened? I need to tell them."

I sighed "All right."I knew I was breaking the treaty, but she deserved to know. He deserved to know. He needed to know what he did to her, the pain he put her through. He needed to see the effects of that pain.

So I explained to her what happened, from the day Sam found her in the woods to earlier today, leaving out about the part about Victoria. If the Cullens were here and knew about her, we wouldn't be able to hunt for her, and the pack really wanted to get her.

"Jake- thank you. For everything you did for her. I had no idea things were so bad. I- I'm sorry." she got to the door in a blink of an eye, "Thank you," she said again.

"Bye," she said softly, and was gone.

**Alice**

I didn't let the tears fall until I got to my old home. Bella was... dead? How? Why did she do this? My sweet friend was was I going to tell everyone? How was I going to tell Edward. He would be absolutely heartbroken.

Suddenly the world around me disappeared. I saw Edward, standing in the shade. He was surrounded by people in red hoods. I saw three men-vampires- standing above the crowd of people, watching protectively. I saw Edward walking out into the sunlight. Hs skin was sparkling and in the blink of an eye- nothing.

Edward wanted to die.

There was no way I was going to get to him in time. I picked up my phone and dialed his number. No answer.

_Edward-please. If you can hear me, please, just wait. Don't do this yet. _

_Please Edward._

_

* * *

_

**Edward**

My Bella was gone. There was no point in living, I'd already told Bella that. If she was dead, i would die too. I left her, yes, but I still knew she was alive and well, I was just trying to protect her.

I had asked the Volturi to kill me, but they refused. There was only one way left. I knew Alice would see this coming, but I hoped that she would be to late for anyone to interfere.

So here I am. I wasn't turning back. This was the only way to be with Bella. I would be with her forever, just what I told her. I took of my shirt and stepped on to the pavement into the sunlight. I looked up at Volturi. Aro glared at me with the most deathly look I have ever seen.

_Goodbye, Bella. I'm sorry, I love you._

* * *

**Jacob**

Harry died later that day. I felt so sorry for his family. Bella's funeral was four days later. Sam spoke on behalf of the pack, how we were going to miss her. Boy was that an understatement, but there was nothing left for me to say. We ended up catching Victoria a few months later, and Sam and Emily got married. Charlie retired a few years later, and Forks had changed. I got rid of the motorcycles, there was no point in riding them without Bella.

Alice came back a while later, to tell me what happened with Edward, and what her family's reaction was. She told me that they would stay apart for a while but reunite every so often.

I made Bella a memorial in her meadow, I tried to keep it a secret from Sam and everyone, but there are no secrets. They never asked to see it, I never told them where it was. It was the last thing I would do for her, and I know she would love it if she were still here.

It was a nice day for once, so I decided to go to the memorial I made for Bella one last time. I never went to her grave, I never felt like she was there, I always felt her here.

The memorial wasn't much, I'm not as creative when it come to stuff like this than a girl would be, but I thought it still looked nice. It wasn't the typical cross and flowers. It had a box of stuff I collected that reminded me of her. A small motorcycle, a reminder of those months we spent working on them, movie tickets, from the incident with mike, and other things.

I had flowers and put them by the box. A typical thing to do, but again, I'm not that creative of a guy.

I talked to her when I was here, like she was still here, even though her body was a long way away.

"Well Bella, this is it. Tomorrow is my last day here. I'm gonna miss you. I wanted to I'm not mad at you anymore- for jumping without me. I love you, Bella. Know that. I'll never forget you." I took a step back, looking at her picture one last time before I left.

"Goodbye Bella_."_

**_Soooo? what do you think? did I end the past ok? I decided to not do everyone's point of veiw when alice told the family-minor writeers block :) so anyway, thanks for the reviews. I'm glad you like it! I'm just writing as i go along, no major plans for this story. I might start another one when my ideas slow down for this one, so keep looking. If you have any ideas for this story tell me in a review!!_**


	4. Chapter 3

**3**

**Isabella**

"_Once he commits to a hunt, he's unshakeable. We'd have to kill him, rip him apart and burn the pieces" I heard a beautiful voice say._

_I saw overwhelming fear take over a young man's eyes, "Jacob didn't want to be a part of this… cult. …I don't want to be next." _

"_You are my life now." I heard yet another voice say, and I was at peace._

"_Bella, I don't want you to come with me," the beautiful angel said, shattering my moment of calm. _

_I gasped and could feel my own tears threatening to spill. "You… don't… want me?" I whispered; my voice cracked. I had to swallow the lump that had begun to form in my throat. _

"_No."_

"_How old are you?" I found myself asking._

"_Seventeen," He replied._

"_And how long have you been seventeen?" I asked, curiosity overwhelming me._

"_A while." I breathed in sharply._

_And the beautiful voice said in a whisper, "And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…"_

**

* * *

**

My eyes opened slowly. _Where was I?_I heard voices all around me and saw images fly in my mind, but I didn't see anyone. It was almost like I wasn't really there. I was either a ghost, or this was a dream.

What happened? None of this seemed right. My eyes opened slowly to a world I know I'd seen before but couldn't remember when. I turned around and saw the endless expansion of the forest. It looked like it never ended. I saw what looked like a clearing, and I walked toward it.

I walked into the clearing and saw how perfect it was. A perfect circle in the middle of a dark forest. There were trees surrounding it, and it was filled with light, despite the darkness that surrounded it. It was blinding.

As my eyes adjusted, I saw something at the other end of the clearing. I walked closer, but couldn't tell what it was. There was a box with a picture on it- I couldn't make out what the picture was of, it was too beaten up and weathered.

I heard something behind me- it made me turn around suddenly. I didn't see anything- no person, no animal, no movement, _nothing._

The stillness was too much. I wanted to scream just to break the quiet.

I turned my attention back to the box. _What was in it?_ I had to find out. There was a lock on it. I needed some way to break that lock. It looked old enough, maybe it would break easily.

I found a big enough rock, and rammed it into the lock. It popped right open.

When I looked inside I found pictures, letters, notes, dead flower petals.

_What is this? Who are those people in the pictures? Why is this here? Better yet, why am _I_ here? _

As these questions were swirling around in my head, I felt someone step behind me. I turned around. I saw a beautiful creature standing in front of me. She had the smoothest, palest skin imaginable, and it was glowing in the light of the meadow. Her hair was red and blowing wildly in the wind. Her eyes were black and solid but like liquid at the same time.

"Hello, Isabella. It's been to long." She said to me, her voice every bit as beautiful as her looks, but it was suspicious to me.

_Isabella? Who is that? She couldn't be talking to me. But maybe she could- I wasn't quite sure of who I was. _"Me?" I asked.

She laughed. "Yes you--- who did you think I was talking to?"

"I--- I don't know. I don't know who I am or what I'm doing here." I admitted, regretting my words as soon as I spoke them- I didn't even know who she was, and it didn't seem safe.

"Well, you _are_ Isabella--- at least, you _look _like Isabella when I last saw her. You sure have changed." Her smile never left her face.

"Changed? How?" I asked.

"Last time I saw you you were human."

**

* * *

**

**Victoria**

"Changed? How?" She asked me. Her brow creased with confusion

"Last time I saw you you were still a human." I smirked at the memory of the fragile human.

"What am I now?" concern began to cover the confusion on her face.

"A...vampire." I said.

I was shocked- how could she not know where and what she was? This must mean the Cullens weren't anywhere near. No one was here to protect her. I grinned to myself. It had been 100 years since they killed James my mate. 100 years I had been searching for them to return the favor.

And here was my chance.

She obviously had no memory of her past life. It would be all to easy to get her to believe anything I say. Of course it would be harder to kill her, her being a vampire at all, but it shouldn't be too difficult.

She looked me like I was crazy. "A vampire- really?" She asked.

"Yes." I told her, that much was true. I needed to lie to her to get her to trust me. "You're still just a newborn. You'll need to stay with me until you can go off on your own."

She looked around, unsure, like she couldn't trust me. She was smart.

"Come _on,_" I said, growing impatient, and she got up to follow me.

This was going to be too easy.

**

* * *

**

**Isabella**

The women led me through the forest with incomprehensible speed. My mind was flooded with questions. _I was a vampire? How?_ _How long? How did I get here? Who brought me here? How is any of this real? _

My mind was going so fast I didn't even realize how fast my _body_ was going. I was literally flying through the trees, so fast no one would have seen me--- if there had even been anyone around at all.

She still had my wrist, her grip getting tighter as she abruptly stopped in front of a house. It looked strange just standing in the middle of the empty woods. It wasn't big, it wasn't small.

"Come inside," She said, and I was slightly uneasy. She led me inside, and I saw how open it was. The house was very dark, but as she led me further into the house we got into a room that was surprisingly bright.

"Well, Isabella, you must have questions to ask me." she said to me, attempting to put me at ease.

"Um, actually--- yes. Several, actually. What is your name?" I said. Maybe I would be slightly more comfortable if I knew a little bit about her.

She laughed--- loudly. "Victoria."

"How did you come to find me?"

She paused for a moment, "I had been here in forks before, about a hundred years ago. I have to go around from place to place every couple of years. It time for me to come back."

I was confused. "Why can't you stay in one place?"

She looked at me, and I shifted under her gaze "I don't age. People would begin to wonder why I never get older."

"Oh," I said. "Does this mean that I won't either?"

"Yes."

I continued to ask her my questions and she continued to give me answers. I learned many things about this life I was suddenly given. There were many rules--- it was overwhelming. I couldn't go out in the sunlight, I had to move routinely, I could _never _let a human know what I was.

That might be the easy one. For one thing, I wasn't so sure of what I was myself. Second, from what she told me, I wasn't sure if I would be able to resist blood long enough to let someone figure any

thing out in the first place.

That's what scared me. Drinking a human's blood made me feel like such a monster. I don't know why, but something inside of me told me it was wrong. I didn't remember my life as a human, but I felt a connection to my old life. Like something from my past was telling me to find another way to survive.

Something about her was unsettling, but I didn't know why. Maybe it was how she constantly studied me, or how she had been so eager to help me. She _had _known me from my human life so maybe that's why she wanted to help me, but I just couldn't shake the feeling of discomfort around her.

I had excused myself and went for a run, trying to process the information that I had just heard. I had been running for a while and I stop when I realized I was almost in Canada. I was tired, not physically, but mentally. There was too much to think about and it hurt to do it all at once. I stopped for a while and hunger overtook me.

This is what I dreaded. I didn't want to have to kill a human, it didn't seem fair that a innocent life had to end because of me, but the burning in my throat was overwhelming. I couldn't pick up a scent, there was nothing but trees around me for miles.

I got up and turned in the opposite direction, back to where Victoria stayed, As I went deeper into the woods I wondered If there were any other vampires around---besides Victoria, I mean. I wanted to find them, I didn't want to go through this alone. Victoria told me how multiple vampires lived together in a coven, but I didn't know of any around. Maybe if I could find one around I could convince them to let a newborn stay with them.

I heard something behind me--- a deer, I guessed. I could hear it running through the bushes, as if something was chasing it.

Before I could stop myself, I turned around and caught the deer in my arm, my razor sharp teeth sinking into its skin. I quickly drained it of its blood, marveling at how filling it was. The burning in my throat decreased.

I smiled to myself, realizing that there was another way to survive. I was sorry for the deer, it's lifeless body laying there, but it was better than killing a human I thought.

I quickly disposed of the lifeless carcass and made my way back to Victoria's.

I had found a way to survive, but I didn't know if could trust myself around humans just yet. Victoria told me it would be a while before I could. I decided not to tell her about what I had just done. For now, I just wanted to find others, preferably others like me.

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_**A/N- So? is it alright? my problem is trying to get the small but necessary details in. Sorry it took so long, we had final before Christmas break, and it's been stressful. I'm going to try to write before I go back t school, but we're going out of town, so it might be a while before i update. I need feedback!!! comment/review please!**_


	5. Chapter 4

**Ok ya'll, the family's back! This is from Alice's point of veiw, with a little bit of Bella's. Enjoy!

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4

**Alice**

I was standing outside of my closet, looking at my reflection in the mirror. I smiled to myself- I looked good today.

"Alice! I'm leaving without you if you don't hurry up." Jasper said from the front room of the apartment we were renting until my whole family was here again.

I rolled my eyes, "I said I'm _coming_."

"Now!"

I sighed. Jasper was really getting on my nerves. I'm sorry, but he's known me for almost two hundred years. He knows I need a little time to get ready before I go out, especially to see Carlisle and Esme_._

In three seconds I was downstairs in my coat by the front door with his keys. He smiled and sighed at me at the same time. "Come on, we're going to be late," I said, smiling at him. He rolled his eyes but smiled as he took the keys from my hand. "Lets go," he said, kissing me lightly and opening the door for me.

We got outside and I noticed that it was unusually sunny I Forks,I was glad that there weren't any people around to see us. We got into my new Porsche--- I love fast cars--- and Jasper drove down the winding road to my parent house, breaking 100 mph quickly.

I had missed Forks, it's been about 100 years since we'd last moved here. It had many memories. My family thought of most of them being sad, but I liked them. I typically thought of the good times my family had spent here, thinking of the bad that came out of our time here took up too much energy. We were coming here because we could only stay way up north for so long, but I knew we all secretly missed this place.

I had missed my family, we had been spit up for a good part of those 100 years. Jasper and I thought it was funny that of all places for us to come back together we pick Forks, Washington. But we're here, and I for one was excited.

We got to our parent's house in record time, and as Jasper pulled into the long driveway I smiled. We would be living in the house we stayed in the last time. it looked like it hadn't been touched in a very long time, which it probably hadn't, it was so far deep in the woods.

It was just as big as I remembered, with it glass walls that were completely free of smudges. Because it was see-through I could tell that the inside looked the same, too. There looked like the hundreds of plants that were here the last never changed, but I'm sure Esme had something to do with that.

I saw Esme walk outside, a huge grin on her face. I jumped out of the car and ran to her, it had been _much_ to long. "Esme, I've missed you!" I cried.

Esme screamed too, it made me laugh. "Oh, Alice, it's been too long without you, any of you. I've missed you all so much! Have you heard from Emmett and Rose yet?" She asked

"Yes, they'll be here soon." I said. In a vision I had seen their car flying through the winding road, the biggest smile I've ever seen on Emmett's face. Jasper walked up to us and she hugged him. "I missed you Esme," he said quietly. She sighed out of contentment, I knew she was glad her family was finally going to be together soon.

Carlisle was right in front of me when I turned to go into the house. "Carlisle!"I shrieked, and threw my arms around him.

"Alice you haven't changed at all," he said smiling. Before he even got the chance to say anything to Jasper, I heard Emmett's voice booming from down the drive way. He and Rosalie were running to us almost as soon as the car stopped.

"Emmett, quiet, you'll wake the neighbors," Jasper called, an old inside joke between the two of them.

"Who cares? I'm just glad my family's back!" He said--- loudly--- I might add.

"Rose!" I yelled. She screamed as we ran to hug each other. I started talking 100 miles an hour "Oh my God I've missed you so much! You look amazing! I love your outfit, where did you get it? We have to go shopping _now, _although I don't think the stores will be any good, they weren't last time, but who cares?I haven't been with you in almost 100 years! I'm going into a withdraw---You look great!"

She laughed, obviously in a good mood "You do too! I got this in New york, by the way, we'll have to plan a trip soon" She turned to Esme "Esme! I'm so glad to see you, you'll have to come too..."

Us girls walked inside, chatting like crazy. After all, there was almost a hundred years to catch up on. The guys had walked in, and we kept talking for hours and hours. Everyone told the other about what had been going on decade by decade, who had met who, what places we'd been to, where the best hunting spots were, and whatever else we'd done.

Carlisle had worked all over the world at some of most obscure hospitals in the world. Esme had started several architecture companies over the years. Emmett and Rosalie enjoyed traveling the world and having lavish wedding _many_ times, which I heard from Tanya that they went to. I myself had designed several fashion lines as well as starting a few party and wedding planning business. Jasper did basically everything you can imagine involved with the military, even _I _had a hard time keeping up with it all.

I smiled to myself, ecstatic that my family was back. We'd been apart for so long, and It was good to see everyone's faces again. Well, except one face- two faces, actually.

Regardless of the happiness that was coming from the room, I felt a strange emptiness sitting here. My family would always be missing Edward and Bella's presence. Everyone tried to hide it, not even bringing them up, but I could see past their masks. I might not have seen them in a while, but they were still my family, I know them better than anyone ever could.

We never spoke of what happened with them, it was still to overwhelming, we lost two people who we all loved a lot, even Rose admitted to miss Bella all those years ago after her death. It tore me apart especially because there was nothing I could do to stop Edward. I tried not to think about it, but I knew that part of this was my fault...

I immediately started to feel my mood lighten. "Jasper, stop, that's not fair," I complained softly, hoping my family wouldn't hear. I couldn't help smile at him, he didn't want me to feel bad. I swear sometimes he could read my mind as well as my emotions.

Esme sensed that something was wrong, "What's wrong Alice?" she said softly, silencing the rest of the family. Esme can always tell when something is wrong, she's naturally in tune with us, very motherly.

"I'm glad we're all back and everything, but...it's just not the same without them." I said, wishing I could take the words back as soon as I said them. This moment was perfect and I didn't want to ruin it by bring them up.

"I'm sorry," I said, biting my lip, "I shouldn't have brought them up." Of course things couldn't just stay normal, or as normal as my world can get.

"No, it's ok. You're right, it's not the same." Rosalie said quietly.

I looked up at her, surprised. I had expected this reaction from everyone else, but even though she admitted to missing them, she was still Rosalie. The one in our family who never really liked her.

"It's just not the same here. Our family's not complete with out them here." I said to the floor quietly. I looked up and saw the tears in Esme's eyes, and knew I shouldn't have brought this up now, it's to hard for her-the memories.

"We all miss them, Alice." Jasper said to me.

"But I have this weird feeling, like they know we're here. Like _they're_ here- in a way." I said, maybe it was just being back in this house, but their presence was evident. Everyone felt it. I hadn't seen anything, but It's almost like they're not really gone.

"But they're not, and they're never going to be." Jasper said sharply. I was surprised, he's never been mad about this before. I knew he was upset because of the birthday incident, but he's never been so harsh before.

"Come on, you know them. If they were here, do you think they would want us to just be laying around, crying about them? They would want us all to be happy- we haven't seen each other in 100 years!" Emmett said. He didn't like to stay sad for long.

"I think Bella would feel bad," I said, "she wouldn't want to be the reason why we split up."

"No she wouldn't, but she would be happier that we were back together." Carlisle said. "Emmett's right, she and Edward both wouldn't want for us to think about what has already happened, what can't be undone."

"They're were some good times in the past, though. Weren't there?" Esme said with a smile. I could tell she was trying to keep herself from crying.

"I remember when we first realized he loved her, when he would sneak out, trying to hide it." Rosalie said, "Idiot," she mumbled with a smile.

"I remember when she first came her. It amazed me how she was never scared of us..."

We talked about them for hours and hours, laughing about our time with them, even before we met Bella. It was past three in the morning, but we didn't care- there was too much to say.

"You know, we'll have to go back to school eventually."

"Ugh! Don't remind me- I was just getting used to being a graduate." Rose said.

"It's the price of coming back," Esme said with a knowing smile. She just got her family back, I knew she didn't want us to go again either.

"Yeah, well this price sucks." Rose said. She didn't really care, she had to keep her disguise up.

They kept talking about school, when suddenly everything around me disappeared. Instead of the faces of my family I saw trees. There was a girl who was about seventeen walking aimlessly through the woods of the forest I knew well. There was a light shining on her, and her skin was glittering like there was a thousand diamonds embedded in her smooth skin. _There were more vampires? How many? How long have they been here? Why are they here? What are they doing here?_ My questions faded as the vision faded, but the realization of what is happening stayed strong.

There were more vampires. I didn't know who they were, or if they were dangerous. Dammit, Why did they have to show up _now?_ Things were just getting perfect.

"What did you see?" Carlisle asked, "What's wrong?"

"New vampire," I whispered, "Here in Forks."

"Are they dangerous?" He said, not even bothering to hide his concern. Even Carlisle couldn't stay together at all times.

"I don't know." I was slightly mad at myself, I could freaking see the future, but I couldn't even use it to help my family?

"Where did you see them?" He was in protection mode now, he didn't mess around when it came to his family. He would do whatever it took to keep us all safe- he was a lot like Edward was, in the sense that he would always try to keep us safe.

"In the woods- close to the Swan's old place."

He looked around at us, his eyes lingering on Esme-almost as if he was sorry that we were in potential danger when things were just staring to work out. "Well, I guess we need to pay them a visit. Alice, do you know where they are going?"

"Well, I only saw one, but I don't know if she's a newborn. And she wasn't going anywhere, she was just siting. She either doesn't know where to go or she's waiting for someone."I said, trying to remember the detail of her face, trying to read her expression.

"Let's go then."

**Bella**

I didn't want to go back to Victoria, at least not yet. I just wanted to stay here- there was an odd sense of peace when I was here. There was familiarity too. I could see that there was an old house a little bit ahead of me. Even though it was pitch black outside,and despite the fact that my eyes can see well in the dark, I felt like I could have found my way around.

It was weird, this feeling of peace I felt here. I couldn't remember my past life, my life before becoming immortal, but I think that I was here before, or I knew someone that had been here before.

I thought about what I had just done to the deer. It kind of scared me, could I safely live like this? Victoria told me that we don't get sick, but still, it could be dangerous for me. Maybe it was worth it, I don't _want _to be a killer after all. I just need to find someone who could help me, someone to answer all my _real _questions. I just don't feel safe around Victoria, she makes me uneasy.

Why couldn't I just find someone? _Anyone_ else, there had to be some vampires that were good.

I stayed there that whole night, I knew Victoria wanted me to come back, but I wasn't until I found someone. I knew this was a bad idea, and I could potentially be putting myself in more danger, but how many of us would really choose Forks? There weren't that many people here. Even If I did drink human blood I knew that I couldn't stay here long, missing people would send up to many red flags.

I just sat there all night, thinking about my life. If I had need for sleep, I don't think I would have been able to. My mind was to busy trying to answer all my questions.


End file.
